Ready

We feel like we've done what we need to do in terms of preparing ourselves emotionally, physically and mentally for what's ahead.  We don't know exactly what to expect, but we've met with as many doctors and nurses and other specialists as we can, we’ve done what research on CDH we’re going to do, and we’ve talked with other families who have been through this before us.  Clara's room is finished, there are diapers in the caddy and her clothes are washed.  We've been to birthing classes and thought about what our unique delivery and the weeks after will look like.  We've talked about being parents and done the emotional work we think we need to do to begin caring for Clara.  We're ready to bring a beautiful, sick baby girl into this world and even more ready to get her healthy and bring her home.  We're just ready now to face whatever it is that we're going to have to face.  Although it has been a difficult pregnancy, made more difficult by the grief of Clara's condition, we remain so very grateful for this early diagnosis and the advantages of having time to fully process everything.  We now stand at the threshold of a great big new adventure and we just feel ready to take the next step.  I'm sure in some ways the next two and a half weeks will go quickly, but in other ways I feel like time is slowing to a crawl.  I’m torn between trying to follow the ridiculous helpful advice that everyone gives you: “Rest now, while you can!” and just wanting to be through delivery, released from the hospital and sitting by Clara’s bassinet in the NICU, even if it does mean exhaustion and stress and fear and sadness.  I know it will be hard, and probably even harder than what I can imagine, but I’m just so ready to meet her, see her, touch her, hold her, and bring her home.   I already love her more and more each day and I can’t imagine how much more that will increase when she’s here and fighting for her life.  I’m proud of her already – for growing strong, for practicing her breathing, for hiccuping and making her diaphragm strong.  If I can feel such pride for these things we can only glimpse through an ultrasound, again I can’t imagine what it will be like when she’s here with us.  So, in short: I’m ready.  Our bags are packed, the carseat is installed, and my heart is bursting.  Here we go, Clara.  

Our bags are packed; I'm ready to go.

Brand new carseat installed and ready to be checked by the fire department.  We are going to bring you home in this, Clara.  I believe it.