Every year I pay a $20 renewal fee to hold on to this domain name, but I haven’t written and posted anything since the day after the last election. It’s been strange times in our world these past three and a half years; I’ve been working in a church which is more publicly visible and have kept some parts of my family’s life less public. It’s easy to post a quick photo or two on Facebook, but I’ve not been in the habit lately of writing in the style that I did when I kept this blog up regularly.
But we are living in a really different world right now. The coronavirus pandemic has swept our country and in what feels like both no time at all and all the time in the world, our lives have ground to a halt. School is out, work is from home, grocery is drive through pickup and any interaction with people outside of our family is through a screen. I couldn’t have imagined this reality if I had tried.
I’ve coped fine – as well or better than most, I imagine. We made a decision from the beginning to include my mom, Sweet Mama, in our family unit of five and she’s provided immeasurable support with homeschooling kids and companionship. Our kids are good at playing. They like each other and they like to be outside. It’s been the most beautiful spring. Our home is comfortable and safe and I still have a job and thus health insurance. Robert isn’t allowed into nursing homes where he sells and fits splints and orthotics, but a friend of ours with a local business has given him some temporary work in construction so he’s still able to bring in some income, too. We’re okay.
I’ve had my moments though. I suspect that we all have and will during this time. It’s a familiar sensation, this kind of trauma. The ways that you feel both extraordinarily blessed to be healthy and safe and have resources but also so very guilty for also being tired and overwhelmed and irritated about things that are probably trivial. We aren’t built for life like this and no matter how good we’ve got it, it can be really good and also really hard. Because I suspect that life like this may go on for longer than we anticipate or hope or imagine, I have been thinking about what I need to do to maintain balance and connection and self-care for me. Sure, there’s exercise and cooking healthy meals and indulging in a long bath every now and then and turning off the news when it’s too much and doing yoga instead. But I was reminded (thanks, Sweet Mama) that through nearly every significant crisis in my life the way I have coped the best is to turn to the page.
So here I am, writing in this way for the first time in a long time. It feels a little self-indulgent and maybe overly transparent. And knowing me, it won’t last forever. But for this season, thanks for indulging me in an outlet for processing and coping and a way to look back and remember what a unique moment in the life of our family this pandemic is.
For now, I have to go finish cleaning out the bathroom I started. They say projects are a good way to cope, too.