On this day, twelve years ago, June 9, 2011, we brought Clara home from this very hospital after her 78 day stay fighting to live after being born with a Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia.
We always remember her on June 9 and celebrate what a big milestone that was! So, of course, it's been on my mind a lot today. Clara's birth and fight for her life were a crash course in navigating hospital life. We learned how to go to rounds, ask questions, notice trends and record them. We learned how to park in the right spot, wash before entering (NO ONE wore masks then), how to make her little spot feel cozy and comfortable with blankets from home and not too sterile. Stepping back into those rhythms the last week has been weirdly comfortable. There are moments when I realize "I did this for Clara and now I'm doing it for me." Loading patient belonging bags and toting things back and forth between the hospital. Guessing what symptom might be a side effect of what and what medications might be able to be adjusted to solve a problem. I haven't been allowed to leave my teeny little room in the Cancer Center since they plopped me here because I'm on a 21 Day Covid Lockdown, but I know as my family treks back and forth, walking these same halls, they must be remembering and feeling so many of those same things, too.
I'm not trying to get into any toxic thinking patterns about how Clara's journey prepared me for this one. Quite frankly we'd have preferred to have neither, thank you very much. I don't think this happened to me because "I have enough faith" or "I'm built to handle it" or any of that other nonsense. But I do think our journeys prepare us for our journeys and that I can actually give some gratitude for all that I learned twelve years ago and how it's helped me slip into hospital life more smoothly than I might have otherwise. I trust and adore the care team that's giving me care now just the same way I trusted and adored Clara's care team then. We're in such good hands with the village of family and friends caring for us and staff here working so hard to treat me. My kids have amazing support from a huge web of loved ones ready to walk through this with them.
Clara said something to me this morning that I thought was really wise for a twelve year old. She compared this leukemia diagnosis to our time during COVID, "We always used to say we had it so much better than most people because we had you and Sweet Mama to teach us and jobs the grownups could keep working and plenty of resources to be able to endure it really well. We had COVID better than most people had COVID. And now the same thing is true with your cancer. We have this amazing hospital right in our town, our entire friends and family and church and tons of people helping us and caring about us while we go through this. We're going to be okay."
Can you believe that came from that baby in the Homecoming pictures from 12 years ago?
On today, I celebrate Clara's Homecoming and the twelve years of rich and abundant life she's had since. And I look forward to my own future "Homecoming," a day that I am claiming will come with full and complete healing (in five years of full remission!)and a rich and abundant life to follow in part because of the journeys that have prepared us for this one.
Clara today, 12 years later:
Thanks be to God.
Every year on June 9 ( including first thing this morning) I get a Memories message on my phone of something I wrote 12 years ago: “Welcome home, Little Clara Hardy! Well-done!” Tears every year. Big gratitude.💕
ReplyDeleteI remember reading your post when you brought her home and being reminded how great our God is. I am sure we will have the same reminders as you go through this journey. . God IS great. God IS good.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Clara! Wise young lady! You are in an excellent place to be taken care of that happens to be very close to where you live as well as having a loving family and friends!♥️
ReplyDeleteI’m just gobsmacked to think it was 12 years ago! I thought it must be 6 or 7🫣 obviously showing my age (and I’ll leave it at that). But add that your spirit rises to levels that many of us aspire to and your daily posts/updates/devotions are nothing but inspiring🫶
ReplyDeleteYes, I do believe that Clara said that! What an amazing and brilliant young lady you are rearing! I am so glad you have such an excellent care team surrounding you. Sending love and prayers for healing and strength.
ReplyDeleteClara sent me a picture of her this morning from the beach, and I couldn’t help thinking about what a lovely, articulate young lady she has developed into in the past 12 years. God healed her when the medical team thought there wasn’t anything else they could do. I am praying that He will heal you, too.
ReplyDeleteWe love you! MamaK and Daddy Bob
I'm over here in tears at Clara's words. So many kids in her position might think "why me, I've already gone through so much!" and instead there is this beautiful awareness of the blessings in her life, how to take life as it comes to you and be grateful for the good that there is in it. So wise, that one - she must have been born an old soul. Peace and love and blessings to you, and REST, friend. The kids are all right. - Niki
ReplyDeleteThanks be to God.
ReplyDeleteI know I have said it a hundred times, but I will never not look at Clara without remembering what a miracle she is - from seeing her tiny frame in your arms with all of those wires, beeping machines, and medical folks scurrying around to the first time I held her at your home and read to hear in that rocking chair. Miracles are all around us every single day....some are HUGE like Clara and some, like the sunflower stretching its' lovely yellow face toward the sun often go unnoticed...but are miracles nonetheless. Praying for complete healing for you too and trusting God to bring it to fruition! No surprise to me at all that Clara's wisdom brought such comfort to you and the rest of us...she is her mama and Sweet Mama's girl...two of the wisest women I know!!
ReplyDeleteWhen I read your posts, I feel you are the encourager….and not those of us who are trying to support you and your family!! 🙏🙏Ann
ReplyDeleteIncredible to reflect. And very impressed with Clara’s wise perspective. Continued prayers!
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