June 30, 2011

Good News, Bad News

The Good News: Clara hasn't lost any weight since we pulled the NG tube.

The Bad News
: She hasn't gained any either (okay, well one ounce, but not significant.)

I was pretty bummed out this morning at the doctor to see that Clara hasn't put on weight like we'd hoped.  She seems so happy and healthy and to be doing so well, but a baby's gotta gain and she hasn't.  Alas.

Since she hadn't lost weight either, the doctor is going to give us another week or so.  I'm going to try to increase feedings to 9-10 times in a 24 hour period (that's a heck of a lot, in case you were wondering) and see if we can get some extra calories in her that way.  We're also going to keep trying to push the bottle in hopes that we can add some formula to breast milk and get some more calories in that way, if Clara will cooperate.

We're still going to the mountains.  I'm hoping that the time away will help us all relax and give us the time and space to focus on feeding, feeding, feeding 'round the clock.  I have to say that I'm a little discouraged about this whole thing.  I feel such a strong maternal instinct of wanting to provide for my baby and not feeling like I'm doing it adequately is very difficult.  There is a deep sense of failure, rational or not, that I'm just struggling to shake.  It's tough to make a baby eat who's not in the mood to eat though.  And it's a tricky balance of following Clara's lead and trying to do what she wants and also watching the clock enough to realize that if three hours have passed and she hasn't eaten, she really needs to - like it or not.    So, despite my sadness and frustration and general discouragement, I'm trying to remember that I have so much to be thankful for:

* I'm thankful that the battles we're fighting now are as simple as an additional six or eight ounces of breastmilk a day in an otherwise happy, healthy baby.
* I'm thankful to be fighting this battle at home, in our own space, and on our own turf and not within the four walls of Brenner Children's Hospital.
* I'm thankful for the continued support and love of family and friends who help talk me off the cliff and wipe my tears away.
* I'm thankful for an incredible pediatrician who spoke to me with grace and compassion today, despite my obvious disappointment.  I'm thankful that after offering all the suggestions that he could think of, he stopped, laid his hands on Clara, and prayed for her, knowing that God is the one in whose hands she rests.
* I'm thankful that Clara has a sweet and happy disposition and that she is fun to be around all day long.
* I'm thankful that caffeine doesn't seem to affect Clara at all, 'cause I'm consuming a lot of it.
* I'm thankful that we live in a day in age where there are lots of "options" for feeding babies... dozens of different bottles (we're trying them all), lots of formula options for extra calories, and diligent medical care that will be sure that Clara gets what she needs - even if it means putting the NG tube back in.
* And most of all, I'm thankful for Clara's life and that we get to struggle with a fairly ordinary problem.  This is serious, for sure, but it's not anywhere near as critical as some of the other obstacles that she has already overcome, by God's grace.  So, we'll pray and trust that in God's timing, she'll overcome this one too.

Keep praying for fat rolls.  (Sure wish I could just share mine with her!)


  1. Lovely last line...yes-- I will be praying for fat rolls for Clara, and that you manage to get some rest and sleep too. Hang in there guys, this is just one more bump in the road! We love you!

    You are doing everything right- and I know too well that feeling you spoke of. It's Mommy Guilt and it plagues us all in one way or another! As you said, there are many feeding options for Clara and I know you guys will work it out in time. She will have those fat rolls before you know it! Until then, we'll keep praying! xoxo

  2. Nothing like good old mountain air .... GO ... RELAX ... DEEP BREATHE ... PRAY and TRUST GOD to work everything out as only He can and WILL do!

  3. Hi Hardy Family:

    Our preemie had trouble gaining weight too and our LC suggested that I try pumping all the foremilk off before nursing, so that she's only ever getting the fatty hindmilk. I know it's a hassle; but it could help get some extra breastmilk calories to her!

    We're praying for you guys!
    Casey, Ashley and Beatrice Kate Collins

  4. Chrissy - i can't tell you how happy i am to read this post. This is a completely normal problem to have and would likely be having even if Clara wasn't a CDH baby. How wonderful! You're the perfect mommy for Clara and doing every right.

    Always in our prayers.

  5. You are truly blessed to have a doctor who will pray over your sweet little Clara! I hope you all are having a special, wonderful and relaxing time away in the mountains! Be sure to post lots of pictures!

  6. Chrissy, you are anything BUT a "failure". You and Robert were both chosen by God to care for one of His precious children and you are doing so faithfully! You are right, Clara (and Mom and Dad) have overcome so much, this will be no exception!!
    Off to the mountains for some fresh air and rest. The mountains fill tthe soul, too!

  7. Praying Clara gains!! Hoping your vacation time is fun and relaxing!

  8. I hope she starts gaining! If it gives you a little hope i had twins at 31weeks! one of them wouldnt gain weight til we bumped his calorie intake! he didnt lose but didnt gain and now he is a happy healthy 16mth old and is starting to pack on those missing pounds. Good luck mama and i will def be praying for fat rolls!


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...