I am typing this on my phone, so this update will be brief and most likely fraught with typos.
Today has been hard. Since Sunday, the updates we've gotten have been a mixture of positive and negative, but have been heavier on the negative side. Yesterday, the doctors gave us the first hint of an implication that our medical options were dwindling.
This morning, we met again with the pediatric surgeons. While they do not feel like we are just postponing the inevitable, the treatments that we are trying are becoming increasingly reactive to Clara's complications, and we are getting further and further back from square one. They did not say it out loud, but their subtext and eyes said enough: Clara's chances of overcoming all of the obstacles between where she is and where she needs to be to survive long-term are slim.
So. Here we are. Walking the razor's edge between preparing our hearts and minds for the worst, while still holding on to the hope that some of these Hail-Mary treatments will work, and that God will intervene and work a miracle.
But that's uncertain. We believe in our hearts that God CAN heal Clara, but we don't know if he WILL. We know how many prayers have been said on our behalf, but we also know that God does not answer every prayer with "yes." Our faith is not that we will get everything that we want if we want it hard enough, but that he will never leave us. And we feel His presence with us today.
And our faith doesn't change the fact that we want Clara to come home to us. We want that more than anything we have ever wanted in our lives. And we hope and we pray that she will. And we will not give up on that hope, and we will not stop uttering that prayer until she is at home, either with us, or with her heavenly Father.
Please keep that hope and prayer alive for Clara. Because even though her future is very uncertain right now, she has not been counted out, and we have not given up on her.
Thank you all for your love. We will continue to need it.