Time is already passing so fast with Clara. I just want to freeze things where we are and enjoy the last few days and weeks of her “infant” stage because I can feel it starting to slip away already. Maybe it’s because I missed out on so much of it during her hospital stay, but I just feel like it can’t possibly be time yet for her to be outgrowing clothes (check), holding up her head (check), trying to roll over (check), and kicking her legs like an Olympic swimmer (check). I know that the next stage will bring fun and exciting new things of its own, but I’m trying hard to savor the moments now that I love so much and know won’t last forever.
Things I Love:
The way her whole face erupts in a giant grin when I get near and talk to her.
The way she looks swaddled up in her baby burrito for sleeping.
Her fingers curled around mine while she nurses
The feeling of victory when I coax a “man burp” out of her.
The way she grabs on to blankets and loveys or her dress and holds on for dear life.
The smiles on her face as she drifts off to sleep
Milk on her cheek after she finishes eating.
Her beautiful hands always held together now, and often in her mouth.
Teeny tiny baby sneezes, coughs and hiccups
Her big blue wide eyes, still taking in everything around her.
Big stretches when she wakes up and is freed from her swaddle.
Seeing her Daddy hold her and look at her like she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to him.
Watching Sweet Mama sing to her and listening to her try to sing along.
Listening to Big Daddy talk baby talk to her and delight each time she laughs at him.
Smelling her after bath and lotion when there’s no sour milk, just sweet sweet baby.
And I think very best of all, holding her while she sleeps soundly with her face nuzzled in my chest.
There have been some moments the past week where she has shown that same fighting spirit that has allowed her to be alive today, but instead of fighting for her life she’s fighting me. Fighting to eat, fighting to sleep… Since I’m tired too, it’s not hard to feel overwhelmed with her determination. But I’ve just been reminding myself that her stubborn personality is what saved her life and to thank God in those moments for her strong will. And for each one of those moments, there are dozens like the ones listed above. My heart is full of love for this sweet thing and I’m cherishing what’s left of the new baby moments. Pretty soon she’s going to be full of personality and there’s no telling what new things I’ll grow to love and cherish.